hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
