So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
