Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
