I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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