You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think my moral compass just broke
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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