she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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