$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
