in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
