What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
