Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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