just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
