im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
