He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
