yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
