i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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