i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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