Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
