when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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