Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
