The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
