He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
