We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
