I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
