i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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