Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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