I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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