But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
