She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
