I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
