that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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