Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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