But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
