my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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