Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
