We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
