I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
