Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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