Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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