Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
