Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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