There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
