i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
