We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
