She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
