I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
