She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
