He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
