I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
