I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I enjoy the company of your penis
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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