You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
