Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
