So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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