New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
