I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Im part way to drunk.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
