Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
