There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We're facebook friends in real life
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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