I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
