Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
