I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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