I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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