come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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