so that wasnt chicken after all
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Randomize
