I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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