If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
