I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
