Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
