i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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