Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
