We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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