Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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