i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
