Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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