If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
