Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
