I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
