You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
