just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
