Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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