you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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