Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize